Dear Mike Makee,
I’m writing to thank you for your contribution to my successful run for President of the United States in 2016.* Wasn’t it the BEST and BIGGEST win ever? I mean, people are still talking about it, it was so huge. Your contribution of $56 wasn’t much compared to the millions I got from some heavy-hitters, but donations from little people like you really matter.
I hear you’re running for public office in Virginia, in the Second District of the House of Delegates? I’ve never heard of it, but I’m sure it’s great. Apparently, you don’t know much either.
I congratulate you on choosing to run for office without having any previous political experience. People tried to stop me when I decided to run for President because I’ve never held elected office, but I showed them up bigtime by winning.
Look at me now—I’m living proof of how people with no political experience can do the best job when elected to office. I’m doing a wonderful job at making America great again—all at the people’s expense. They love it and my ratings are fantastic!
Since you donated to my campaign, I expect that you’ll fully support my very own “Trump Agenda.” I look forward to you doing things to make Papa Trump proud.
Here are some of the items I want you to implement when you win the Second District in the House of Delegates:
- Cut taxes for the rich; raise taxes for the poor and the middle class: Say tax relief will help the middle-class, but understand that tax cuts are only for the wealthy. Our boy Ed Gillespie wants to win the Governor’s race by promising to cut taxes for everyone, but we all know his tax cuts will only benefit the top one percent of Virginians. It’s kinda like my tax-cut plan, hehe.
- Do not expand Medicaid: Make sure 400,000 Virginians don’t get access to health care. It’s not our fault that they’re bums and don’t have jobs that offer them health coverage! Expanding programs like Medicaid would help people get the care they need, but this another stupid idea from former President Obama. I hate everything that man stands for and I was elected to office to destroy his legacy.
- When all else fails, blame immigrants: If your campaign is weak on substance and you have no real policy proposals to address people’s concerns, one way you can scare people into a frenzy is to talk about how bad immigrants are for Virginia. Even though immigrants are less likely to commit crimes than people born in the U.S., it works really well to depict them as criminals and make people afraid so that they’ll vote for you! As a matter of fact, my pal Ed Gillespie is right on the money with his latest round of anti-immigration ads. Unfortunately the Washington Post tried to debunk them but hey, we know they’re FAKE NEWS anyway, right? If he can do it, so can you Mike!
Well, Makee, that’s all I have for you today. I heard I’m going to appear on Fox News in a few minutes, so I’m going to tune in and make sure my hairstylist did a good job with my combover. Good luck on your run. If you want any yard signs that say “Trump and Makee—In It To Win It,” they’ll cost you $25 each. You can order them through my website.
Donald J. Trump
*Readers, this article was written as satire. We have provided links to actual news articles and events, but the entire letter is fictitious and is intended to be satirical in nature. What is NOT satirical or fictitious is that you need to go out and VOTE ON NOVEMBER 7!